life is hell!!
place I have been.
battycherry1

I don't know where i am going in life I feel like I'm stuck in my own hell. I wish I could get a clue to help me with all the shit that is surrounding me in the hell. It always seems that something is always going wrong in my life. I have had relitives that don't think of me as their granddaught or neice I don't know if anything will ever change that and at this point in life I really don't care anymore, the only problems is that because of this shit I don't really trust anyone I count them on one hand and that is sad when I think about how large my family is.

I was never a good student in school, I did well enogh to pass and graduate. I thought at that point that I had some idea of what I wanted to do with my life. And that was being a teacher of small children. I went to college to reach this goal and worked hard for it. Then more crap came and I decide to more and change schools unfortunely none of my classes would transfer my school wasn't accredit yet. They kept this from us until I was a semester away from finish my two years there. I was so angry that I just left and started over again at a new school. I went there for a year an a half with little money and no idea of what i wanted to do with my life it was such a pain. It got to the point that I just droped out and return to my home town.

I spent a over a year looking for a job to pay my bills. I finally found one at a groom shop, I work there for a year an a half before I gave my two weeks. I was doing the work of two people by that point and killing my body in the process and making little about of money for such a hard job. It has been months since my last day there and now am looking for a new job. I'm also back living with my parents sleeping on a futon is the livingroom. I need to get out of here and soon a I can or I might just go crazy here I feel like I' m wasting my life here. Hopefully there is a major change coming in my life and I will do all I can to make it happen.

Anyway I just needed to rant abit before I burst and lashout a the wrong person. I know that my life is not as bad as some other people. And I wish them all the luck in the world.


A new year a new start!
place I have been.
battycherry1
Well it has been a while since I have last updated on here. I is now jan. 5 of 2012. The past year has been nothing but drama and stress that I will be glad to do with out. I am still in this small town and still wanting out. I have got to come up with a plan for my life. At the moment I am lost in what to do with my life, but I plan to stay strong and keep moving forward. I will be back soon with more updates and a plan. Until then TTFN.

(no subject)
place I have been.
battycherry1
Another day another moment we watch as they past us by. We need to fight for our own lives and not let other do it for us. Its a hard thing to do you just have to keep pushing forward no matter the problem thats in out way.

I tell my self this everyday and everyday is a little bit better.
Tags:

My New Year. Day 1.
place I have been.
battycherry1

My new years eve was me, my parents, and siblings. we spent the night watching movies together and watching the ball drop. and so started the year 2011. We continued watching movies til early in the morning before going to bed and sleeping the day away. For those that don't know I am 23 and moved back into my parents house because of personal reasons. I happen to leave a small town where half is family and the other half knows my family. and it scars me to come back here and fear I may be stuck "in this poor provincial town" or something like that as belle says in Beauty and the Beast. Anyway its a fear that all us from small towns fear, that we may never leave. So I am here and hating every minute of it. May I'll save some money and really move to New York. ( for those who don't know my best friend since 3rd grade is moving to New York in a few days and tells me all the time that I should come live there too.) It is something to keep in mind. but right now I deal with the task of finding a job and I'm sure everyone know how that is now adays. It is one of the hardest things to do. I may end up with two jobs if thats what it takes to get away from here. Now don't get me wrong the small town thing is not all ways bad. I have my family here atleast the family that matter. That would be my parents ( they work so hard in there lives just to make sure we had everything we ever needed.) My little sis she is 20 and going to college work toward her dream and I'll do everything I can to help her reach them. (but she will forever be the little girl that followed me everywhere. In other words she will be 3 forever.lol) and my too tall for is on good little bro who is 16 and over 6 feet tall. He is in highschool and talks about video games and rock music. He dreams to take care of wild life in the future and can talk your ear off about animals for days. ( but is will always be the little monkey that rode on my back being carried everyday.lol) besides them are my dogs Snowball and Chip they are so sweet. Also the is my sister's chinchilla Lucy and my bro's iguana Kip. Will anyways this is just the start of my year and I just hope that everything goes up hill from here.

Tags:

head
place I have been.
battycherry1

I have had a migrane for over three weeks now. I have now given up caffine to see if it is the cause. That was started sunday. I am tired and sick feeling. I  wish I had a clue on how to get it to just go away. The meds are helping a little but not enough and they make me dizzy.

Another Friday.
place I have been.
battycherry1

 

So I have been up since 4 this morning. I'm not sleeping much these days. I woke this morning with a headache, some hours later I drank a mt. Dew, then I got on the computer. around lunch time at about 11 I ate a hamburger and another Mt. Dew. I still had the same headache since this morning.I had a bowl of cereal around 3 something. I have done some cleaning, washing clothes and cleaning my room. It is now 6:27 and my headache has not gone away. I'm about to take my meds. maybe it will help.

Anyway I'm thinking about a new tattoo maybe a blood red rose with thorns on my ankle. what can I say I'm addicted to them this one would make number 5. 


9-20-10
place I have been.
battycherry1
This has been a long day. I had a quiz and only two maybe three hours of sleep. I may fall asleep while typing. I had a pretty good day with some shopping. It always makes me feel better. I got a pair of awesome boots can't wait to wear them. Any way I've decided to write everyday if I can. I hope that it helps to calm me down from my stress filled days. I can't think of a better way. Someday I may use this to share how I really feel with the people around me, for now I'm just going to be battycherry1.

plan i guess
place I have been.
battycherry1

What a weekend I've had not much happen just feel out of it. I haven't sleep well in weeks most of the time I sleep between six and eleven. Not a lot of good sleep. I feel like something is not right in my life I just feel that something is missing. I wish I could find my piece of mind sometime soon. Not many that I can talk too about what going on in my mind. I feel that not many care. I'm twenty-three and at times I want ot runaway from this life.

feeling of lost
place I have been.
battycherry1

I'm stuck, I'm not sure what I want anymore. I feel off and just tired. I desire peace and serenity. I so desperately want to find it. I'm not sure what I believe anymore. What is real and what is fake? I honestly don't know anymore.My head just keeps spinning with everything within it. I feel disconnected to everything and everyone around me. I want help, I ask for with everything I am, every fiber of my being, my soul. There is so much in my past and even my present that at times I fear for my future and where it may lead. I try to keep moving forward but there is a huge ugly wall made of emotion and feeling of pain, sadness, hurt, pressure, loneliness, and fear. I need a way to come to terms with so many things and people and I fear within it all I could loose myself. Where is my balance?

light to peace
place I have been.
battycherry1

got ta punch got ta kick, get the hell out of here
run to the new horizon risen in the east
got ta run got ta hide, from the pain down deep inside
got to find the peace in my life
got ta scream got ta shout to make me know
there's so much pain running thou my head
take my heart take my soul, and finish job
of tearing my life apart. 

There some much pain in my heart that the world doesn't know is there, not like they care. I fight for me and my life got to get it right. I need room to breath and follow the light to peace.


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